Shopping For Davros
by TigerLily98
Summary: This fun piece came to me whilst shopping with dad at the local Big Box Mart.


Shopping For Davros

Synopsis: A comic drabble about what Davros does in his spare time. Be warned, this is pretty zany. If you don't enjoy unusual humor, then don't read the fic.

~*~CAST~*~

Davros:

Dalek Sev:  
Dalek Thay:

Dalek Jast:

Dalek Caan:

Suzy the MondoWorld Employee:

Eleanor the MondoWorld Employee:

Scene 1-Obligitory Shopping Trip

Dalek Sev: We few among the cult of Skarro do our utmost to keep Lord Davros happy. But why he ever sent us here is beyond our computations.

Thay: (twitching and sparking) Does not compute. (tremulously, worriedly) Does...not...

Jast: (slaps him upside the head with his plunger) Thay. Calm yourself, please. I will not be handling your splattered remains and asking the employees at this store for clean up. You are not replaceable. Remember Dalek Sec.

All Daleks: Poor Sec. May he rest with all our fallen warrior kind.

Cann: Back to work then, Daleks. We've come with a list for our Master, Davros.

Sev: Who is currently partaking of a meal full of unhealthy saturated fats.

Thay: Should we stop the Master ?

Caan: No ! We've come to buy our master's monthy goods.

(As they shuttle about the store, muzak playing in the background. Jast accidentally knocks over an endcap.)

Jast: (frustrated) Oh, blast ! My turning ratio simply isn't equipped for precise elipses.

(The other Daleks laugh at his embarassment.)

Caan: It's probably the only thing you've exterminated for a while, Dalek Jast.

Jast: (angered) Dalek Caan, can it. Or I'll exterminate you.

Sev: Dalek Jast ! Dalek Cann ! I will not have you fighting like toddlers, or I will have you brought to Davros.

(Silence from Caan and Jast)

Thay: Some of these items make no sense. Davros doesn't _wear _trousers, and as far as I know he never splashes musk on his person. You don't think...

Sev: There's a feminine interest in his life ? No. Not possible.

Jast: He has been less interested in crushing the Doctor or taking control of the Universe as of late.

Caan: Do you suppose that our Master has suddenly gone soft ?

Thay: Error, error. Davros feels no emotion, and neither do we.

Sev: Let us complete our task, Daleks.

(scene fade)

Scene 2-Task Complete

Jast: (approaching Davros who has been waiting at a bench patiently) We completed our task, Master.

Sev: Yes, efficiently so.

Davros: Everything is fit for me. I must look my best for this evening.

Caan: Whatever for ?

Davros: It isn't for any of you to know. I intend you to mind the fort while I'm gone. Do something...creative for once.

Daleks: Creative ?

Thay: This word is not in our vocabulary.

Davros: (becoming frustrated) Go to Miriam Webster online and take a look for yourself. Must I chaperone you in _everything_ ? (exhales in utter exhaustion) Look, daddy has something important he needs to do. You be good little exterminators whilst he has a night out on the town.

Sev: None of this computes.

Davros: Just do your job !

Daleks: Yes, Davros. We hear and obey.

(scene fade)

Scene 3-Diversions

Thay: (doing a search online and finding the correct definition of 'fun') Daleks ! I have discovered the meaning of diversion ! Come and see.

Sev: What is _that_ ?

Thay: A strange activity called table tennis.

Caan: This is supposed to be fun ? Seems repetitive.

Jast: That entry demonstrates board games.

Sev: More like boaring games. What else is there, Dalek Thay ?

Thay: I can only make data entry so fast, Dalek Sev. Don't overheat yourself. Aha !

(Boogie Oogie Oogie plays in the background.)

Caan: (moved by the beat) Strange, pulsating rhythms.

Jast: Can't...seem...to resist. (taps plunger along with beat, spinning around)

Sev: Now this is diversion ! Excellent work, Dalek Thay. We will have to figure what sort of reward to give you later in the day.

Thay: (finds some beach balls for them to bounce around) Try these...don't pop them. If you do, Davros will electrocute us all.

Caan: Who _cares_ ! Just dance !

Daleks: ('dancing' to music)

(They tend to knock everything over in the process, and Jast turns the music off, horrified.)

Thay: Daleks ! Stop ! Cease ! DECIST !

(The Daleks halt their celebration and look around, aghast and petrified at what has befallen them.)

Sev: We must clean this immediately before Davros returns.

Caan: It's Dalek Thay's fault. He's the one that inquired the Interwebs for information. We would've never filled our minds with this sort of petty nonsense...

Sev: No quarrelling. Either clean or face the prospect of death from Davros.

Caan: (muttering) Killjoy.

Sev: I heard that Dalek Caan.

(They clean up to 'I Whistle a Happy Tune' and whistle disharmoniously with it in the background.)

Jast: We have to make up for our destruction. What do you sugguest, Dalek Sev ?

Sev: Dinner for the Master. Which means we go back to the grocery at Mondo World.

Caan: None of us know how to cook, idiot.

Thay: I can inquire the Interwebs...

Other Daleks: NO !

Jast: No more disasters. Allow me to do research of my own in _reading_ from Davros's massive library.

Caan: Superb idea, Dalek Jast. Technology isn't always the answer, Dalek Thay.

Thay: (in a childish tone, mockingly) Blah, blah, blah. Oh the irony of that statement, considering what we are.

(Scene fade)

Scene 4-Clean Up In Aisle 11

Caan: (talking to an employee) So, I should buy these flowers as a method of appeasement ?

Eleanor: (nodding) It should more than be enough to make your friend happy.

Caan: Thank you, human. You are not only smart, but beautiful as well.

Eleanor: (blushing, lowering her head)

(Sev butts in rudely and escorts him away, forcefully)

Sev: Dalek Caan, are you coercing a human being...again ?

Caan: I don't see you branching out and mingling. We haven't been given any orders, except to take care of everything while the Master is away.

Sev: Hmmph. Don't act too native. We are not like them. Remember that.

Thay: (collecting items in another aisle, dropping a pickle jar) Blast it again ! Stupid rusty claw...

Voice over PA: Clean up in Aisle 11. Clean up in Aisle 11.

Thay: (muttering in frustration)

Suzy: Let me get that for you. There. See ? No spill.

Thay: (smitten) Why thank you (reads nametag) Suzy. You certainly are heavenly. Did you hurt your wings when you fell from the clouds ?

Suzy: (tittering) You're awfully suave. Hey, I've got an idea. How about I give you my number and later...

Sev: By Skarro...Dalek Thay...you too ? Come on, we haven't much time. Davros will return in a matter of minutes.

(The Daleks start freaking out a bit)

Sev: (loudly) SHUT IT ! None of us are mewling infants who frighten at the sound of a pindrop. Now, regain yourselves. We are Daleks...

Daleks: A proud and martial race.

Sev: Do not forget.

Dalek: We will not.

(With supplies in hand, they roll out of the store, and return to base)

Scene 5-Evident Activity, Evident Reward

Davros: (rolling home, whistling 'I Get A Kick Out Of You', sees light snacks, tea and roses on the table) Who went to all this trouble ? The den is immaculate. Daleks ?

(one by one they roll out in single file)

Daleks: Yes, Master Davros ?

Davros: All of you did well. For that, I reward you a night out and do whatever you want. Just don't go too crazy.

Caan: I know what _I'll _be doing ! I'm heading to the Club ! Who's with me ?

Sev: Errrrrrrrrrrrr...Error ?

Caan: Come on Sev, live a little.

Thay: Affirmative. You, Dalek Sev, are wound too tightly. Blow off some of that steam.

Sev: We have our orders. Master, we thank you.

Daleks: Thank you.

Davros: No, the thanks comes from me, and if you must know, Sally, my lover. We will one day join but this does not mean I will cease my quest. No...I will continue hunting the Doctor down and someday...killing him _myself_. She seemed intent on my scheme too. I like a woman with bloodlust. Gets the blood flowing, if you get my meaning.

Jast: Davros, you sly dog you !

(Daleks laugh)

(The Dalek go to the club and dance with their respective 'girlfriends'. An updated version of 'One Night In Bangkok' plays in the background.)

Caan: Who would think, we shopped for the Master and shopped a bit for ourselves.

Guess who is getting interfaced tonight !

Sev: (meekly) All of us !

Thay: It's good to be alive.

Jast: (singing) Damn it feels good to be a Dalek !

(They laugh and 'dance'. End scene.)


End file.
